Lamb Inventory

I haven't been able to cook, or even eat much, these past few days. I've been stuck in a soccer referee class with Sen Jr. 7:45 til 6:00 on Saturday and then 8 - 5:30 on Sunday. It was cold cut subs and Mack Donalds all weekend.

Not only was I not able to cook or eat as much as I would like, I was so tired I had to kick She Say and My Neighbor's Daughter out of my chambers at midnight as they refused to let me get to sleep.

One of the great joys of eating whole beasts is discovering exactly what it is you get from the butcher when you pick up your whole beast. When you order your whole beast, you have to fill out a 'cut sheet' to let the butcher know how you want it cut up, but I'm not sure whether they ignore the cut sheet, or if there's often extenuating circumstances that force their hand to give you a different cut than what you asked for.

Here's what my 2 lambs yielded:

Shoulders - 2

Ground Lamb - 7 lbs

Rib Chops - 4 packs with 4 ribs each

Boned and Rolled Leg - 2

Lamb Breasts - 2

Arm Chops - 4 packs with 4 ribs each

Rack of Lamb - 2

Loin Chops - 4 packs with 4 ribs each

Kidney - 2 packs with 2 kidneys each

Shanks - 4 packs with 2 shanks in each

Heart - 2

Leg - 4

Leg of lamb chops - 4 packs with 4 ribs each

Lamb stew - 1 lb

Loin roast - 2

I was surprised to see the racks and the small amount of stew meat. I'm pretty sure my cut sheet did not include any racks, and I'm pretty sure I wanted the shoulders ground as stew...I guess I could dig up my cut sheet as I usually save a copy, but...it's kinda fun wondering whether the butcher saw something in the particular lamb that would lend itself to an exceptionally tasty rack, or whether the shoulders looked so good whole he didn't want to cut them up for stew....kinda zennish...

I haven't inventoried the pig yet as Friday was so hot I was worried he'd start to thaw if I didn't just throw him straight into the freezers. I did happily discover they gave me the piggie's whole head for the first time.

I think I'm going to make loin chops tonight. She Say and I are going to a New Parent Wine and Cheese party at Sen Jr.'s school tonight, so I'm thinking an early dinner of lamb chops and whatever I can scrounge up at the Grocery Store From Hell. I was unable to hit the Takoma Park Farmer's Market on Sunday as I was stuck in the ref class. Usually my Farmer's Market Girlfriend will bring me a box of produce if I don't make it to the market, but she didn't stop by. I hope everything is okay with her.

Pre-Ranch Breakfast

So I got the word from My Rancher that the hog and lambs are ready. He's going to give me a boatload of organs and other yummy stuff nobody else wants to make up for the butcher curing my bacon and hams and seasoning the ground pork. Be nice to ranchers and farmers and they'll be nice to you.

Back before I'd first bedded my Farmer's Market Girlfriend I would show up at her stand every week. Even though I didn't buy a ton of stuff, I was consistently there. She noticed and her initial way of saying thanks was to give me overripe tomatoes no one else wanted. Then she started giving me extra large servings of leaf lettuce I'd buy from her. Then she started giving me all kinds of good stuff and things not appropriate for me to go into detail about on a public forum.

To make sure my loins are properly girded for my trip to the ranch, I've made a huge eggy mess with mushrooms and fontina cheese. I don't usually eat so many mushrooms, but She Say went to see Julia y Julie with her mamacita and there must've been a lot of mushrooms in the movie, because she keeps bringing them home from the nightmarish grocery stores. They don't taste very good. They're the plain white button ones. They have a pretty good texture though.

The pic shows 5 eggs, about 6 oz of mushrooms and about a 1/4 cup of fontina cheese. Usually I eat 6 eggs, but having to egg-wash the squash blossoms a couple nights ago has put my egg count way out of whack.

I'm off to the ranch, basically feeling like a girl that goes to school who is giddy and little.

Friggin' Starving

I didn't get to bed until like 11:26 last night and then it was another hour and 42 minutes before She Say was finished with me and I could drift off to the Land of La and La. So, I woke up pretty tired this morning.

I weebled downstairs to make coffee and collect the morning paper. I then wobbled back upstairs to deliver the paper and coffee to She Say...who was still sleeping... so I put the coffee and paper on her nightstand and got dressed. Just as I was tying my tie, she wakes up and pulls me into bed. She knew I was running late, so she was quick, but not quick enough for me to have enough time to pack a suitable lunch.

After getting dressed again, I barely had enough time to fill my travel mug of coffee and shove 4 packs of ramen into my bag as I raced to catch the 9:03 express train to the city.

Man...I hate ramen...I had a friend that grew up in Japan and the only food he had in his house was friggin' ramen noodles. This same friend also had very liberal parents that would let us bring booze and broads over to his house at any hour of the day or night...it was like heaven, but then sooner or later you'd finish all the beer, or get bored with the broads and need to fill your gullet, but there was never anything, but ramen noodles...and who wants soup when you've got a bellyful of beer? Not me. Yo NO!

We used to eat the ramen just raw and I now know lots of people do this, but at the time we all thought it was very cutting edge.

I told my rancher I'd take the hog as is, but he hasn't got back to me yet. I'm, really low on meat, so I hope to pick up the hog and lambs tomorrow. Maybe he'll throw in some free chickens to make up for the illiterate butchers.

I'm going to head home and eat tons of food. I took some veal chops out of a freezer last night. Something obscenely delicious will be done with them. Chard will be involved.

Illiterate Butchers

So, when you buy a whole beast you have to tell the rancher how you want it cut up. This is one of my greatest pleasures in life (next to massaging She Say while my neighbor's daughter serves us champagne and light hors d'oeuvres.)

Exploring the different possibilities for cutting up livestock is not nearly as barbaric as it sounds. You get to choose between delicious possibilities such as Tenderloin Steaks, or Standing Rib Roasts, or Whole Filets. What time of year it is plays a great part in how you have your animal cut up. For example, in the summer we get most of our beef cut as steaks, whereas in the fall and winter we opt for more roasts. An 8 rib standing rib roast is majestic at Christmas time, but kinda overwhelming in August.

Anyway, in addition to naming what cuts you want, you have to explain how you want scrap meat dealt with. For my latest hog I requested all my ground pork be left unseasoned and not processed as sausage. Unfortunately, the butchers apparently can't read and divided the ground pork half as Sage sausage and half as Italian seasoned sausage. And whereas I'd asked for no cured bacon, or ham, they went ahead and cured it.

So, I'm in a bind because I have minimal meat in my freezers and my rancher has 2 lambs waiting for me. It's not THAT far to my rancher, but I prefer to drive out there as infrequently as possible. So, I can take the improperly processed hog and my 2 lambs immediately, or pick up the lambs immediately and go back in a month for a properly processed hog.

Decisions. Decisions.

Anyway, tonight I was torn on what to cook, so basically I did a little of everything.

For starters it was a simple salad with red wine and olive oil and parmesan cheese. She Say wouldn't eat the arugula I had prepared because it has holes in it and she thinks slugs got to it, so I gave her a lovely spring mix my favorite farmer girlfriend prepares.

Secondo was a thai eggplant dish:

Turn pan on to medium high

Add 2-4 TBSP palm oil

Slice 6-9 thai eggplants 1/4 inch thick and add them to the hot oil

Add 2-3 hot peppers

Add TBSP fresh ginger

Let cook until it smells good (5-6 minutes)

Add a bunch of garlic (I used polish garlic I got from my farmer minx that is very pungent (the garlic, not the minx), but has small cloves that are tough to peel)

Add like 3-5-8 TBSP fish oil

Let this all cook until the eggplant is softened and taste good (8-11.7 minutes depending on how hot your pan is)

After the salad and eggplant we cut up a big watermelon that I bought from a wandering, homeless man and gorged.

Anyone that was still hungry was treated to bologna and american cheese sandwhiches on white bread with mayo.

Chef's helper: I been drinking Old Granddad on the rocks for the past 10 hours...when I'm cooking generic, I find it best to stick with a classic.

Music was Morrisey's solo album Vauxhall and I and then the Smiths greatest hits...not sure how I ended up there, but it seemed to fit...maybe because I've worked from home Monday and Tuesday, but have to head into the office tomorrow, so it kinda feels like Sunday night and the Smiths and the Miserable One are definitely Sunday night music.

MWDWB Seeks FTTLB3

One of my favoritest girlfriends is a farmer that runs a stand at the Takoma Park farmer's market. I pity men that have never plowed a female, farmer's pea patch whilst riding her big, red, John Deere tractor.

Anyway, that sweet, l'il, silo-raising, dirt-digger loves to shower me with squash blossoms. Normally, I love to be showered with stuffable bits of heaven, but She Say's back has been bothering her lately and she's not her normal food-lovey self, and Sen Jr., Third and Fourth (while adventurous eaters, draw the line at flowers) so I'm left to suck back 14-15 squash blossoms all by lonesome.

Life could be worse.

Anyway, I had these oyster mushrooms (from my last guerilla attack on the Shopper's Food Warehouse) and some yummy fontina cheese. I got Sen Say the Fourth to saute the shrooms in some olive oil. We threw the fontina in after the shrooms were browned and then added some tomatoes (striped green zebras and some sort of red one). After the cheese was soft we said, "Viola" and had our stuffing all ready to go.

Stuffing a squash blossom is really easy if you're a man and have ever masturbated (that's got to be at least 7 out of 10 men), or a female that's manually helped out a male friend.

Just take your squash blossom in your non-dominant hand and...spread...those...silky...petals...wiiiiiiiiiide...open with your dominant hand...then...mmmm....gently work that flower being careful not to break it, but don't let it forget who's in charge...grab a big fistful of stuffing and lay it into that sweet, sweet petal...uhhh...uhhhh..yeah....

With stuffing squash blossoms, less is more.

After we got the blossoms stuffed, we rolled them in an egg wash. T.J.O.C. will have you roll them in flour after the egg wash, but She Say is watching her carb intake (which makes her very slinky, yet voluptuous) so I skip the flour. 2 minutes per side (tops) in some olive oil and you will think you're in Valhalla (with a mushroom loving Norse vixen) when you bite into one of these.

I guess you could serve them with tomato sauce, but I want to taste the freshness of the tomatoes in the stuffing without it being smothered in sauce.

Here's a quick breakdown of what to do:

Put skillet on range on med-high heat

Take 8 oz. oyster diced mushrooms and saute in oil until browned

Add 8 oz. fontina (or other meltable) cheese

Add 8 oz. fresh tomatoes

Mix up shrooms, cheese and tomatoes and remove from heat

Remove pistils from 14 squash blossoms

Gently...mmm...oh so gently...open squash blossoms and put roughly one TBS shroom mixture into blossom

Twist ends of blossom up and tuck into self. Continue for all blossoms.

Break 2 eggs into shallow bowl and stir up

Dunk each stuffed blossom into egg

Heat olive oil in skillet over med high heat

Fry each blossom in olive oil until done (if you skip flour, the egg will look like a fried egg around the blossom...es moy, moy delicioso)

Serve these babies with an arugula salad:

Take arugula, break off stems, throw into bowl

Take 3 TBS red wine vinegar and mix with 3TBS olive oil (I use one blended with white truffles) ...whisk

Pour vinegar and oil over arugula

Grate a bunch of parmesan cheese over arugula ('bout 1/4 cup)

Sprinkle with a ton of black pepper

My chef's helper was a simple citrus rum...not sure what brand...

Music was the Lesbian...I mean Indigo Girls...I figured this was perfect for a vegetarian feast.

Garbage Beef Curry

On May 20, 2009 I picked up 160 lbs of beef from the Wagon Wheel Ranch in Mt. Airy, MD...this is an average amount of meat for a side of beef that I get from this ranch. I usually go through 2 sides per year. I'd get a whole cow once per year rather than 2 sides twice per year, but I don't really have enough freezer space...yet.

I'm pretty sure once I get enough freezer space, I'll eat 2 whole cows per year.

I haven't bought meat in a grocery store in over 3 years. I like buying whole animals direct from the people that raise them. This saves me having to go to a grocery store, which I hate having to do mainly because of the horrible music they play and (even worse) having to deal with the people in the grocery store that seem to not mind the horrible music they're being forced to listen to.

The last time I went to the store it was some horrible Shopper's Food Warehouse...they had a comment card and I wrote on it about how sucky their music was and how it was criminal...I was a little lit and I've been too embarrassed to go back since.

Getting whole animals also allows me to plan menus easier because with 6 months worth of meat laying around, I know what I have on hand so my little brain doesn't have to figure out what to buy at the store.

Since I picked up this most recent beast I've cooked and eaten all the best parts...all I have left are some organs, soup bones, round roasts, some sirloin and some stew meat. Stew meat (from what the butcher told me) is all the garbage meat left over after chopping up the rest of the meat. I'm fine with this, but She Say, my wife, usually doesn't enjoy eating it.

The stew meat is cut in 1 inch chunks...I think...I've never measured them, but they look about 1 inch...they're definitely not smaller than 1 inch and not bigger than 2 inches.

In 2 years of devouring whole beasts, I've never really found a whammo way to cook the stew beef...that is, until 2 days ago when I made the best curry in the whole wide world and nom de plumed it Garbage Beef Curry.

Here's how I did it:

I started with some red palm oil (2-4 TBS)...threw it in a pot and turned it up to lowish-medium-high (6 on my electric stove that goes to 10...you don't want palm oil too high or it won't taste like palm oil and more importantly it won't taste real good)...I took the stew meat and cut the cubes into 4ths...or 6ths, depending on how big the chunk was...I guess I ended up with pieces that were a quarter to half inch in size...threw the stew meat into the hot oil...let it brown...shook it around...added some chopped onion, chopped ginger and the peppers...('bout half cup onion, 3-4 TBS ginger and 4-6 peppers - mix of habaneros and some other ones I can't remember...maybe jalapenos and serranos...use any kind you like...make sure to wear your rubber gloves or you could get a major shock later)...I let those cook until they smelled good, then I threw in a can of coconut milk and stirred it all up...it looked pretty good so I threw in about a 1/4 cup of curry powder...I used junky generic Sam's club, but you could use any kind you like...after stirring it all up I threw in about a TBSP of crystallized ginger...I like the mix of fresh ginger and crystallized a lot...I let this cook for about 43 minutes and then threw in a fairly big tomato I chopped up....the stew beef was still tough when I tasted it, but the sauce was tasting real gans gut...after another hour the meat was nice and tender and ready to eat. I threw in maybe a half cup to a cup of sweetened coconut to finish things off. I would've added some raisins, currants or other dried fruit, but She Say doesn't eat a lot of carbs, hence her slinky, yet vivacious figure.

I was going to try a bowl, but She Say's mom was coming up to buy us Famous Dave's for takeout. I had to hide the curry before she arrived for fear she'd think I wouldn't be hungry. Trust me, it very rarely happens that I'm not hungry.

So, the curry aged in the fridge overnight. I had a bowl for breakfast Sunday morning and it was moy good.

If I made it again, I'd experiment with putting some ginger beer in right before serving it.

Natch, I gotta have a chef's helper while I'm cooking. Curry always makes me feel like a conquering Englishman raping and pillaging his way through Calcutta so I usually drink some gin, but I bought a bottle of Lillet a month ago or so and have been looking to try it...I'm not sure if Lillet is English, but it sounds pretty darn dignified English, so I'm guessing it's English or French...I have a recipe something called a Lilly, but you need Creme de Noyeaux and I didn't have any...I was just going to have a gin and tonic...but...then...no damn tonic...so...I was going to have straight Lillet, but then I was admiring the bottle and saw a recipe on the back for a Vesper martini...this sounded awesome...you know...like vespers at some Anglican, or catholic church...3 parts gin, 1 part vodka and 1/2 part Lillet...I went with 1 part Lillet as that was primarily what I was interested in...I'd give it a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10.25....wasn't great, but the gin was nice and the Lillet was kinda like a Concorde grape...god knows why they call for vodka...

Music for the day was Del Amitri's greatest hits...I think they're an Irish band, rather than English, but it seemed to fit the mood.